There is a difference between living in pain avoidance and pleasure seeking vs living honestly. The first two can lead to a dichotomous and hollow life in conflict based on pleasing others that offer pleasure or threaten pain. Living honestly is to live in ownership of our own actions and acceptance of the consequences, enjoying subsequent pleasures and growing through resultant pains. The latter of these can look much like the former at first blush. The key difference is the origin of our motivation. Living in pain avoidance and pleasure seeking is to allow external stimulai that promise pleasure or threaten pain to drive our actions. Subsequent outcomes in this case are actually passing relief from pain interpreted as pleasure and blame rather than growth stemming from our difficulties. To live honestly is to be be motivated from within ourselves through a deep knowledge of our own needs and desires in the face of what others define as proper behavior or goals, with acceptance of the outcomes as being our own creation. In this way we can feel a lasting fulfillment from positive outcomes we own, or growth in deeper understanding of our own strengths and limitations with further insight to the validity of our goals.